Journal Update: How do I move forward?

July 6, 2011

Photo entitled “Smile, Your Coffee Loves You” by Crazy For Bingo

Photo entitled “Smile, Your Coffee Loves You” by Crazy For Bingo

If you read my blog semi frequently I am sure you have noticed that my posts have been less regular over the past couple of weeks. I have not made a secret of the fact that I am struggling staying on my weight loss plan. I have had a series of bad days, and one of my worst stretches was the past weekend. There is nothing going on in my life that is causing any more stress then is usual. The kids are great, my wife is amazing and life is pretty good.

I wish I had the answer to why I binge, or could even really put into words what goes on when I get sucked into it. It is not just that the food tastes good and I get lost in it. I have binged on Kind bars, berries, bread and other stuff that was in the kitchen recently when I would not let myself drive around. I mean, that is not even worth binging!

So how do I stop? No, seriously, how do I stop?  One of my friends once told me his therapist told him that we only make true change when our life becomes unlivable.  This is one of those statements that ring true to the point you can feel it.

I am more comfortable at 290-300 then I was at 365.  It is a night and day difference.   I am in good cardiovascular shape and I can walk/run/hike and have quick recovery times.   My life at 365 was not livable for me so I committed to a change.  The problem is that now I am in a pause and life is good.  It is not SPECTACULAR at 290!  I mean seriously, how could it be that great having a gut that makes you self concious?  I have somehow subconsciously made a decision that this weight is good enough, but it is not.  I want to get down to 200-225.  I could do it in 4-7 months if I worked like I did for the first part of my journey.  What is stopping me right?

I have recently been getting quite a bit of satisfaction from an online course I am taking on programming.  It feels good to finish projects and get graded and do well.  I have not had that kind of sensation in a little while.  I was getting it from my workouts, but that is kind of gone now with my recent failures.  I like the feeling of accomplishment so I am going to try to harness that to get into the 280s.  I have not hit 289 yet, in fact I got down to 290 and have shot back up to 299!  So instead of focusing on these huge goals of getting to 250 I need to break this stuff down. They always tell you to break it down to managable  goals (you know those crazy diet/health people we all listen to or read.)

So, since I have decided to write this, my goal is to get to 289 by July 13th.  That is 7 days from now.  I can do it if I get myself focused daily.  How am I going to get focused… Well it starts with a plan.

The plan part 1) Meal planning!

My wife has a work schedule that is all over the place.  I have to sit down and plan out a week of meals to cook with her there, with her at work and with the kids at home with and without her.  It does not sound like something that is very difficult, but it is for me.  I like to prepare meals or have meals that everyone enjoys.  Making a meal for myself and then one for her and the kids is not pleasant at all.  In fact I think it is one of the things that causes me to go off track.  I will plan a week of meals/eating out at a time, with a day set aside to plan the next week.

The plan part 2) I will eat healthy portions, regardless of the foods being healthy or unhealthy.  I will eat healthy lean proteins and complex carbohydrates 85 to 90% of the time.

I can do this pretty easy.  The thing that is not mentioned here is that I WILL NOT BINGE! That is the part that so often has derailed me on this part of my journey.  I will set a goal to not binge for a week at time while I work on my specific weight loss goal.  I am going to try to stop eating potatoes (even plain) as much as I have been.  I think I would prefer to eat veggies with oil/or butter at this point.

The plan part 3) I will workout more towards goals I have.

I want to be able to do 100 push ups in a row, I want to be able to do a pull up I want to be able to run a sub 35 minute 5K and finally I want to progress in my kettlebell training.  These are all goals I have and have lost track of recently.  Oh and I would like to write fewer run on sentences!  =)  Seriously though I think I am going to spend some time at home working on strength training with just my weight.  I need to get my core strong and I can get quite a bit done with my simple execution of good sit ups and push ups (and planks!)

So none of those goals sounds crazy right?  I am on the right track, I just have to actually stay on it.  If anyone has suggestions I am ALL SORTS of up for it.

Entry filed under: weightloss. Tags: .

Journal Update: Still Here, Planning My World Conquest Journal Update: Survived the weekend!

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  • 1. Adam Underhill  |  July 6, 2011 at 7:29 am

    I’m so with you buddy. I’m sitting right around 285 & have had a block on losing since December. I don’t know if it is exhaustion or fear of my own success. Any ways, we can do this! I have a meal planning tool if interested. Check out and view the demo. The meal planner will suggest foods based off of your preferences. God bless your journey to healthier living!

  • 2. Louis  |  July 7, 2011 at 10:02 am


    Perhaps you should take a step back, and re-examine what’s going on with your plateau and temporary weight gain. Instead of trying to make aggressive changes, take incremental steps towards your goal.

    You’ve lost the momentum, and now you are trying to push as if you had it. If you had to push a rock uphill, it’s easy when you have a jet pack pushing you forward, but what happens when it runs out of fuel. You keep pushing, and pushing but don’t get anywhere. Perhaps you should take a step back, refuel and start to build slowly while the rocket engine warms up.

    Set a smaller goal to get to 285 lbs by the end of this month. Then shoot for 280 next month, and then 273 the following month. If it took you another year to lose the 90 lbs to get to your goal you would only have to lose 8 lbs a month.

    The reason I am still pushing so hard is that I feel the momentum, and I know I will reach a point where it slows down, I’m going to ride this horse until it bucks.

    At point do you just tell yourself enough is enough, just do the work, because I know you can. Even if you fuck up keep pushing, if you fall down pick yourself up, but just move forward to build the momentum that you had from Malibu.

    To be honest Forget Malibu, it’s gone it’s in the past, you won’t ever be able to recover that sensation because you are in a new place, and time.

    You have the ability to do it, get out of your own way, simplify and multiply.

    By the way I like my Aston Martin Vanquish in Carbon Black.

    Bring it on bitchy!


    BTW I use “My Net Diary” on the Ipad, it’s a great food journal.

    • 3. Dwayne Phillips  |  July 11, 2011 at 12:35 am

      I definitely know what you mean by momentum. I really want to generate some more of it, but it all feels artificial at the moment. I will get it back, just gotta survive till then. What you are saying makes sense. I just think you are glad to have less competition. =)

  • 4. Kent from BLFR  |  July 10, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Hey Dwayne

    I have a tip for you … but a quick story first….

    We just got back from the lake. We have a little rustic cabin that we have owned for about 10 years. My kids spent a good chunk of their summers there during their formative years. Every time I go there, I tend to drop a little weight, probably because my activity level goes up.

    Anyways, there is an Ice Cream and Candy store almost exactly 1 mile from our cabin. Because it is vacation time, the kids like to go there often – every day in fact.

    Several years ago we established a simple rule. They could go get a treat every day, but they had to walk, run or bike to the store and back. To stay as a group, the younger ones would bike, and the older ones would walk or trot along. Often it would turn into a competition – race there, race back.

    So my tip: Pick your binge fix (candy store, fast food whatever) Make sure it is a good mile or mile and a half from your house. If you are gonna binge, make yourself earn it by walking, jogging, cycling (whatever, just not driving) to get your fix. Take your kids with you (if they are too young to walk that far, put them into your jogging stroller, whatever – you get the picture).

    And another tip: Don’t listen to any fools that are telling you – it’s OK Dwayne, 290 is cool, etc – because you know, and I know, that when you really stop and think about it, you know that you still want more (strength, health, wellness, fitness).

    You inspired me greatly with your post about the Nike slogan “Yesterday you said tomorrow”. Now I am paying you back – how about today Dwayne, how about today buddy?

    • 5. Dwayne Phillips  |  July 11, 2011 at 12:37 am

      Yeah if I jogged to Ritters (the place where my wife and I tend to eat bad) that would make it a much better cheat as well as remind me why I should not even do it.

      Glad that post inspired you, I was looking for some inspiration when I wrote it and still seem to be looking. Thanks so much for dropping by and keeping in touch. You and Louis definitely keep me sane as I go through this struggle.

      Onward and downward!


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